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  • Bishop Tony Collins

Identity Attack, part two - The Family


You live in a Love Story set in the midst of a war and have been lied to about your marriage!

Tensions are always high when spouses try to engage in transparent, meaningful, intimate conversation and especially prayer because you have an Enemy (Satan) opposing you, and it’s not necessarily about either one of you. There’s a third party in the room. Who do you think instigated the break-up in the relationship between Adam and Eve and God in the Garden… “Who told you that you were naked?” Genesis 3:11 (NASB 1995).

Your relationship to God and to one another is in jeopardy because you have believed some lies about one another. Unless you come to grips with the fact that apart from your own selfishness, your over-commitment to your own points of view, and the baggage you each brought into your relationship, there are also powerful demonic spiritual forces behind the scenes diametrically opposed to you and your marriage whose sole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy you. You don’t have a marriage problem—You have an Enemy problem, to whom you’ve both acquiesced, allowing him to bring your historical woundedness and his lies into your marriage that you thought was going to solve all your problems. Your Enemy had you make some non-biblical agreements about one another that you thought were true that needs to be renounced, such as:

· Don’t rock the boat

· It’s too much work—I just don’t have the emotional energy

· He/she will never change or validate me

· Don’t let anyone ever hurt you again

· Just settle for what you have

· You married the wrong person

· You would be happier with someone else

· I don’t want to be married anymore

· Things are never going to get better—you are always doing this

· I can get my emotional, sexual, or spiritual needs met somewhere else or by myself


You can use this prayer below to repent of and renounce these lies you have believed: 

PRAYER: “Lord Jesus, forgive me for agreeing with the lies of the Enemy. I break these agreements now with the Enemy. I renounce these lies that (Fill in the blank from the list above or input another lie. Ex: “I would be happier with someone else” or “I married the wrong person.”). This is not my true heart toward my spouse. These are words of the Enemy I now reject in the name of Jesus Christ and declare that you, my lover, are not my Enemy!”

Without choosing to heal from the broken, lie-based beliefs couples are carrying around, they will never reach their full potential. In an attempt to avoid future pain, they will erect walls around their hearts that do not allow others to get close and experience true intimacy. The husband will be unable to lead in the capacity that God designed him to lead. His home will be out of order as he forcefully leads through the mindset of domination and submission. Marriage is not “taking one for the team.” It is the joy of knowing that 1+1=1… NOT 1+1=2.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and unashamed.” Gen. 2:24-25 (NASB 1995).

Woman’s Identity: Domination or Submission?

Women who do not know their identity in Christ are equally affected. Their past experiences may serve to tell them that they will never amount to anything or that others cannot be trusted. Pursuing a prestigious career at the expense of a family may be their way of proving themselves to be worthy. A woman who was sexually abused may withhold physical intimacy as it may trigger replays of that trauma. If the abuse happened at the hands of a family member or friend, she may struggle to feel safe with those who claim to love her.

The need to be in control could become a dominant trait that is exercised often. People may have let her down so much in life that she has developed the mindset that it’s better to just do things for yourself. Or, if she was raised in a single-parent home, she may lack an understanding of the value of husband and wife working together to reach their goals for the future. She may feel rejected, unwanted, and unloved. Regardless of what others say and do if she hasn’t welcomed and accepted the full love of Christ into her life, she will constantly believe in her inadequacy instead of her potential.


Destroying the Family

When her feelings are combined with her husband’s inability to lead well because of unresolved past hurts, the home is out of alignment. The husband tends to lead through his own capabilities instead of putting his complete faith, hope, love, and trust in God. The wife, recognizing that her husband’s strength is not sourced through God alone, may reject the idea of him leading her.

By wrecking the identity of individuals, Satan is ferociously destroying the identity of marriage, too. By doing this, he also seeks to wreak havoc on the image of God’s love for the Church. This leads to deception and a reluctance to submit one’s life to the Lord. It causes people to reject the love of the Father, believing that no one could possibly love in the capacity that Christ loves us.

Beyond that, the marriage lays the foundation for which children grow and thrive. It sets the tone for their relationship with others and with God. By destroying the husband’s and wife’s individual identity, Satan destroys the marriage, which initiates the destruction of the children as well.

[Appreciation and special recognition are given to Dr. Joseph Wasmond for his contribution to the material in this article.]

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